#6 - "I wish this fork in the road had better directions." (unknown)

The past year has been full of surprise, frustration, learning, patience, more frustration, confusion, more learning, acceptance, joy, sadness and love -- lots and lots of love.  My view of being a "glass half-full" person has been challenged, and I have been challenged by what it means to fight.  I have fought many things in my life -- the "system", my weight, depression, and more.  I gained a job I loved, better health, a happier life, wonderful friends, and the respect of many people I care about.  It really is not in my nature to "roll over" or give up.  What does that mean for me now?

To be given a diagnosis of a disease or condition with no known cure is the most frustrating thing I have faced.  How do I fight? Can I fight? Should I fight?  Do I give in?  I have read a lot (no surprise to those that know me well), I have prayed a lot, I have had thousands of hours to mull it over.  I have met with an army of doctors, talked to friends and family, and read even more.  I have no real answer.  I do, however, have a perspective.

I have accepted I have ALS -- don't like it, but accept it.  I know and accept that there is no known cure, and that my symptoms will continue to progress -- it is a fatal disease.  I have chosen to enjoy each day to the best of my ability.  As I told my father this weekend, if I am miserable, everyone around me will be, also.  It is much more enjoyable for everyone if I am happy and thankful -- including me!  However, I am bound and determined to be as independent as I can be, for as long as I can be -- this is my first bastion of fighting.  I am also willing to consider possible trial treatments, depending on timing, etc.  Acceptance does not mean surrender.  Acceptance in this case means to recognize and acknowledge the situation.

I do not intend to fly off half-cocked into voodoo doctor treatments, or chase rainbows -- but I do intend to make sure I am giving myself every opportunity to maintain my independence (as it is) or improve it, if it is within my power.  Giving in is not the example I have ever set for my children or students -- why would I start now?

So, the fork in the road?  Surrender or fight?  I am accepting the challenge, not the surrender.  And I have an army of friends and family behind me, I know.  Onward!